August 19, 2013
RANTINGS OF A FORMER TRIMET BUS DRIVER: WHY ARE THESE RECORDS 'EXEMPT FROM DISCLOSURE'
RANTINGS OF A FORMER TRIMET BUS DRIVER: WHY ARE THESE RECORDS 'EXEMPT FROM DISCLOSURE': 8/14/2013 Jeffrey Kirsch KPTV Requested records exempt from disclosure Requesting video, if any, of the following incident: PER GRE...
July 29, 2013
Repost from a fellow Blogger: Accurate Presentation Detailing Narcissist Parent/s and Trauma Bonding and Impact as Adult Survivors. *TRIGGER WARNING*
The Source of Dysfunctional Behavior and Continued Trauma Bond
Recently, I have been seeing an upsurge with survivors who are in therapy and processing their relationships, their toxic choices, patterns of relating and toxic behaviors. and making connections to their pathological upbringings. Being the child of a pathological parent is the ultimate “Cluster Fuck” when it comes to the consequences and subsequent damage that is life long. If you were assigned the role of scapegoat, it is particularly traumatizing and damaging, nevertheless, ANY role you played or any consistent contact with a psychopathic/narcissistic parent is traumatizing.
To say that our nurturing (or with a pathological parent, lack thereof), while growing up in a pathological home had nothing to do with the choices, behaviors that we had later on in our lives from our career choices to partner and friendship choices, is like saying the mind and body are not connected. They are. And because they are, we go through life surrounded by an invisible toxic web of learned survival “techniques” and behaviors that are deeply subconscious. When making those choices, we simply weren’t aware of how toxic they were, nor how toxic our adaptations to it have been to our lives. This creates a monumental wall of cemented denial. The longer we stay “connected” to the toxic parent, the longer we put off a genuine healing that would catapult us over this wall in the form of letting go of our emotional and/or financial dependence and into freedom. It doesn’t matter that we got rid of the pathological partner in cases like this, because we have our pathological parent to fall back on to keep repeating our roles, and our behaviors. (or vice versa) We aggravate our already active PTSD, we validate the very relationships we just went no contact from when we remain emotionally involved with our psychopathic/narcissistic parent. (or partner)
This is why I strongly encourage survivors to locate and take the TIME to find a very good and skilled trauma therapist. You may go through several before you find one, but it is worth the effort.
It is my opinion, and a pattern that I have seen consistently with those who have pathological and toxic parents, that when there are still ties to the parent or partner, FULL healing will not happen. It can’t. The roles we act out are subconscious and automatic. It doesn’t matter how “aware” you are of their toxicity, when you deal with the parent (or partner), there is a SHIFT to automatic pilot in response or reaction to them, even if you are able to control the reactions during communications, it is STILL going on in your mind and in your body. Your unhealed damage is still there and active. There is almost ALWAYS a response to it with a PTSD reaction AFTER contact. Sometimes the reaction can be pinpointed directly to the pathological parent, other times we are reacting after contact but CAN’T pinpoint it to the pathological. We become irritable, negative, pained, hyper vigilant. Angry. Sometimes, because we have never gone no contact, we never stopped reacting. Chances are, if you had an extremely toxic or otherwise psychopathic/narcissistic parent, you may also have had PTSD for a long time.
The pathological parent is the SAME in intention towards their children as your psychopathic/narcissistic ex. THE SAME.
There is a quote that I love.... It applies to the pathological parent as much as it applies to the pathological partner. I’m substituting he/his in reference to the psychopath, in my mind, and instead inserting psychopathic parent in context without changing the wording of the following excerpt from the book. “Although his dominance may also be camouflaged to the outside world by looking more passive than powerful, yet behind closed doors, his dominance is exerted by controlling her through any means he can use. These could include sexual humiliation, suffocating neediness, her every movement is approved or disapproved by him, gaslighting to control her reality–anything overt or covert can be used. His insatiable need for power and dominance is so non-stop that it feels unquenchable to her. Psychopaths hurt people because power through victimization is much more satisfying to them. THEY ARE EMOTIONALLY REWARDED BY THE HARM THEY CAUSE.” (Pg.40)
When our relationships are over and the initial early stages of recovery with cognitive dissonance (obsessive and intrusive thoughts), ruminating and learning how to get out of bed each day again have passed, we move into the next phase with amped up PTSD. There is usually (but not always) a short phase after the initial phase, where we are feeling empowered and ready to get our game back on, when the cascade of PTSD symptoms takes over, driving us to therapy or back to our beds in despair, or to our computers for several hours of researching what the hell just happened to us.
If PTSD was not already present at the initial phase of recovery, when it appears, it can be frightening and devastating because we feel that we “should be over it” or thought we would be. That is not how recovery goes and it is especially not true when there is a pathological parent (or partner) still involved in your life. It is at this stage of recovery, when the PTSD kicks in, that it is critical to find a trauma therapist. Many survivors are genuinely unable to access therapeutic services, however, there are domestic violence agencies that can refer you to a trauma therapist, if they do not provide one at their agency. I know this to be true where I live, as this put me on the path to finding the therapist I currently have. It is not true in all cases, but a determined survivor, although frustrated, can find the right therapist with a little hard work and the time to make it happen. Oftentimes, the trauma is not limited to the ex pathological partner, but in the end, more of a consequence to original trauma that derives from the disordered parent and the pathological environment.
The trauma in childhood by the disordered parent is excused, minimized and trivialized by many survivors. This is not said in a way as to blame the survivor for the abuse and trauma they suffered in childhood, but merely a life long habit of coping mechanisms necessary in dealing with the parent. When we come out of the relationship with the disordered partner, eventually we stop making excuses for them. We experience the emotions at having been duped, used and degraded. Once the fog lifts we are better able to understand at least that much, as well as all the research that each of us has done about the disorders. But if you are the child of a psychopath or narcissist, this is only the beginning…
Why do we provide excuses for the disordered parent that we will not for the ex-partner? Why do we provide every single excuse to ourselves with our continued involvement when it has been clear for years that the parent abused us and continues too? why do we believe it will magically be all better one day and that the parent will spontaneously be sorry for their cruelty? Why do we say “He/she did the best they could” when we know in our hearts they did not? When you are dealing with a psychopathic/narcissistic parent, you are not dealing with someone who did “the best they could”. Why do we look at other situations or our own with our pathological ex partners if we share children, and want to keep them away from the pathological ex, but readily expose ourselves to our own pathological parent? Why are we horrified at the actions of the pathological who has partial or sole custody of a child, but are completely apathetic when it comes to our own parent? Why do we bullshit ourselves into thinking we can “handle” our pathological parent now and will continue a relationship with them (which incidentally is the source of our trauma to begin with), but we absolutely NC everyone else that is toxic that has had intimate contact with us? Why is it repulsive to think of the psychopath/narcissist doing unspeakable harm and damage to a child via observance, but we can’t see the forest for the trees with our own damage that we carry from our parent?
When I mention the above dynamic, it is met with anger, outrage, crying in frustration, denial, excuses, but the most favorite of all statements, “But that’s different!” Really???
WHAT is different? WHAT? The truth is… there isn’t any difference. With the pathological parent, we are still in the FOG, but the representation of that word takes on much deeper meaning and goes like this: Fear, Obligation and Guilt. This is a problem. This is a trauma bond.
This is why complete healing isn’t possible. This is why we have trouble controlling our PTSD, this is why we choose more psychopathic partners.
This is why we choose more psychopathic/narcissistic friendships.
This is why we choose jobs that are filled with pathologicals waiting for you to act out your role of scapegoat or golden child.
This is partly why we STILL carry our shame.
This is why we feel INTENSE GUILT at going no contact with the pathological parent.
This is also, believe it or not, why we are not completely horrified by the acts of cruelty each of us has endured.
This is why when we try to change our behaviors that were our defense mechanisms and/or coping skills, we are frustrated that it doesn’t seem to work.
This is why, when the psychopath/narcissist targeted you, you were already primed as prey. You already knew the “drill”. NOTHING was unique in how the relationship happened, and how it played out. NOTHING.
The psychopathic/narcissistic parent did the same thing to you, over and over, idealize/discard… idealize/discard. You already knew about love bombing… the psychopathic/narcissistic parent knew just how to push your buttons and manipulate you to get you to do what they wanted you to do. Were you ever given a credit card to freely spend? Did the psychopathic/narcissistic parent give you anything and everything you wanted when they needed something, the golden child? Did the sun rise and set out of your ass, like it did with your partner when you were being love bombed? Perhaps you were the scapegoat, hence you were only treated with any “decency” when something was wanted from you and subsequently punished for doing it. Perhaps you were the blame for every ill in the family, and if you had siblings, they were taught to act out their roles too in your scapegoating. What about this is any different than it was with your ex or your pathological friends or your pathological boss or child? NOTHING. Not one thing.
The pathological parent had/has the same intent to harm as any other pathological in your life. It is hardest to fathom that the human beings that were most responsible for your care, to love you and embrace your budding individuality, exploited it for the sake of their image, for ego strokes. For attention. To one up you, training you to react. To play the victim so that you would take care of them, emotionally, financially, spiritually and in many cases, to be the “little parent”. You were punished, indulged. You were the pathological parent’s personal emotional receptacle. You may also have experienced psychopathic/narcissistic sexual deviancy, from flirtation to sexual intercourse. You may have been a vehicle in which to triangulate with the other parent, whether they were together or not. You may have been triangulated with your siblings, the family dog. If divorced, your pathological parent may have used you as a window dressing to attract a new victim, hence the psychopathic/narcissistic love bombing of you during his/her dating phase, so you would project the image the psychopath/narcissist wanted of the “Disneyland Dad” in securing the new victim, only to be discarded when the “honeymoon” with the new victim was over. Perhaps you were beaten into submission, raged at. Perhaps you spent many nights as a child in fear of your psychopathic/narcissistic parent, or in silence with tears of hopelessness streaming down your face… or you had the ever present tummy ache that never seemed to go away. Or maybe you heard your pathological parent raging at the other parent, or perhaps both were raging... then the next day everyone acted as if nothing ever happened… sound familiar?
Now as an adult, what is different? Because you no longer live with your parent? Because you have a family of your own and “all of that was a long time ago”… How much of a facade do you feel you may be living emotionally, spiritually… that you’re not being real? that you’re not complete? That hellbent on not “wanting to be like them” you are living life the way you think you should be living and it all looks good on the outside, but on the inside, there is an ever present anxiety? When one of the kids says or does something, you snap? Some of your reactions are completely inappropriate given any situation that feels similar to what the pathological parent did to you? Or you go about your daily life, as distracted as much as possible, busy as you can be to avoid the abyss that lies in wait to be addressed within your heart and soul that is your ORIGINAL trauma? PTSD says you can run, but you can’t hide…
“I don’t want to be like them!” And with unhealed trauma and undiagnosed PTSD, with regard to your children, if you came out of childhood alive and with any empathy, you have gone to extremes in raising your children compared to how you perceived your pathological parent raised you. Perhaps you enable them, perhaps you are too afraid to discipline them because you are afraid you will hurt them. Perhaps you feel obligated in that they have the life that you didn’t so you OVER COMPENSATE, killing yourself to give them the life YOU think they should have when you didn’t have it at all. This is what you believe love is. In reality, these actions can disable your child and can create narcissism too. You become a martyr on their behalf. You also re-victimize yourself when you find yourself shocked to discover that they are UNGRATEFUL to you for giving them what you did not get. Perhaps they become abusive to you. Perhaps they are apathetic. Entilted. Maybe you find yourself feeling resentful at all of this “giving” to others and not GETTING in return… maybe, JUST maybe, it’s time to address your unhealed wounds. Maybe, just MAYBE it’s time to stop picking up the phone when the pathological parent CALLS you for yet another rant or to tell you how you are FAILING at your life. Oftentimes as adults we feel that we owe the pathological parent EXPLANATIONS as to their projections onto us as failure. Why the hell are we EXPLAINING anything? Oftentimes as adults when the insults or rants come, or comments made and disguised as “encouragement” hit us in a way that makes you feel as if you’ve been punched in the chest.
Does any of this sound familiar to you? ANY of it?
The hardest thing you will ever do in your recovery, if you have a pathological parent in your life, is to go NO CONTACT. Most of the time, this cannot be done without therapeutic process when there is still “attachment” to not only the pathological parent, but old behavior because this process will also ask you to look at YOURSELF and that too, is an extreme challenge. You will be led to change your entire landscape with emotion, perception, behavior, past and present. There will come a time as you process this that you will begin to see the pathological parent as he/she/they really ARE. You will know it, yet you will FIGHT it. You will not want to believe it. You have now come to the wall. You know it is there. You can no longer excuse it, minimize it or trivialize it. It will be in your face. You will have a deep and very profound awareness and you know that once you SAY it, BELIEVE it, you will then have to DO something about it, because not doing so will increase your behaviors, your resistance to it will drive you crazy. You will be irritable, angry, depressed. You will be tired of fighting, them and yourself. It is the ultimate wall of resistance because once you let go, you are in a foreign land. This is incredibly difficult if you rely upon the pathological parent in any way, whether it’s in anticipation for hoped for validation, for money, for continued family connections. You know that when you do this, there will be a smear campaign. Somewhere inside you, you will KNOW what the consequences will be. You know that all of that manipulative and FAKE validation that the psychopathic/narcissistic parent gave was not real…
We often say about our ex’s, “The whole relationship was a LIE”. What does this mean when we apply it to our pathological parent, about us? Most are terrified about this. If we let go of them, we have no identity we think... our concept of self comes from the trauma bond with the pathological parent. What does this MEAN when we say a permanent GOOD BYE? What does this mean with every single interaction we have had with the pathological parent over a lifetime?
But somehow, somewhere, you know you have your own growing identity and this is why, as you process, you will feel emotionally led to get off the merry-go-round, but you will be terrified because you’re not sure if you can do it ENTIRELY alone without doing it the way THEY said, you’re not sure that you trust the AUTHENTIC individual that they should have encouraged in the first place.But the biggest hurt of all, is to accept and understand that you were never loved at all. That along with everyone else in a disordered person’s life, you were an object, someone to exploit. There is something so WRONG with that, isn’t there? Because you are filled with love in your heart, compassion and massive amounts of empathy, you cannot fathom how your pathological parent could not love you. It is simply beyond your comprehension to know that your psychopathic/narcissistic parent who gave you the gift of life, would use you as a means to their end. It is more so to truly understand that their intent was harming you and that your responses and reactions to it, throughout your life, were because of that intentional damage done to you. We do all we can to make it right with them. We do so much to appease them. We hate ourselves doing it because they have taught us to DEPEND on them in some way. We try to make it right by justifying it, minimizing it, telling ourselves we can handle it. We give them any label we can find other than “DISORDERED” because it is too much to bear to see reality. This one is an easy one I’m afraid.
Have you ever told your psychopathic/narcissistic parent how much their behavior bothers you? What happened?
Have you ever dragged your parent to your counseling sessions so they could see the hurt they caused and/or to “mend fences” only to be met with resistance and, down the road, more punishment with the same ole behaviors?
Has your psychopathic/narcissistic parent EVER apologized to you or tried to make things right with you, seeing the damage they have done to you and your life? Or is this still YOUR problem and not theirs?
Or has your perspective changed to pity in order to tolerate the intolerable and the only sentence you can say to justify it is this: “she/he did the best they could”.
Would you say the same thing about your psychopathic/narcissistic ex?
Hasn’t pitying a pathological as an excuse to stay involved shown you in the past and now ho ineffective that is and how much more it allows them to sucker punch you? You can love from a distance. Compassion works that way just as easily. It was never and it is not now, ever your responsibility to create a thinking feeling, empathic adult when it wasn’t there to BEGIN with.
Makes getting out of a romantic relationship with a psychopath/narcissist seem like a piece of cake, huh? That’s because they are not the source of the original trauma bond.
I have done both. Getting rid of the pathological parent and the psychopathic ex. I’m in therapy now and have been for awhile and will continue to be. I have worked VERY hard on creating a no toxins allowed life. I’m not always successful because I have attracted MORE disordered to me, but now I know what to do. Disengaging from the toxic pathological parent, opened the door to genuine and true possibility for healing. I can freely examine my behaviors, my relationships, my PTSD without a facade, without holding onto my parent. There is NO pathology in my life in any intimate way. The burden of the chains that bound me, the web that surrounded me are all gone, making ROOM for authenticity and genuineness I needed to grow, without the original source of my trauma that would only hinder it. My pathological parents benefited by what my father termed as my “inevitable fuck ups”. As long as I was unhealed (fucked up), he looked good and exploited the damage and pain he caused. It made him feel better about himself. My mother too. She is dead and has been for a long time, but even though I tried to “reconcile” with her, she would not and she died without closure for me.
We are trying, in essence, to beat a dead horse when we try to reconcile with the pathological parent. It is NOT your job to do that, it is THEIR responsibility. When you continue to seek their validation, when you hope for it, when you try to make it right, you are doing more damage to yourself. We are self sabotaging in wanting their approval and they are exploiting it. Just like psychopaths DO.
It takes tremendous courage and great faith to climb that wall to the other side. It is the most frightening thing that you will ever do in your life. You are making a decision for yourself that is symbolic on so many levels.
Here is the blessing for you, God’s loving grace, or the Universe singing your praises, whatever it is you believe that gives you strength and courage: When you go no contact with your pathological parent (s), you can know, without a doubt, that you ARE a miracle. YOU are a survivor on every level. While it is painful and it will be shocking to realize that it was all a lie, it was… but YOU ARE THE TRUTH! Amidst all of the lies, the facade, somehow, some way, YOU managed to have a separate, loving, giving caring SOUL. YOU are all YOU need! All along a grace bigger than all of the lies, held you close! Amidst all of the lies, and all of the hell you have lived, YOU ARE THE TRUTH.
It is possible to work through the damage. I can’t tell you that it’s perfect. You will struggle, but your struggles will be so much different. They will be your own and while you will take steps forward, only to take ten back sometimes, you will be doing it with healthy support that you have gathered for yourself. You will be able to enjoy each milestone in recovery that you pass without the fear of pathology hanging over your head to destroy your progress. Instead of trying to share it with a pathological parent who lives to keep you from the truth, you will be sharing your progress with those who are on the same path and they will REJOICE with you!
Having lived so much pathology can make you forget that others can be genuinely wanting for your happiness and personal growth. It will feel wonderful to you, if not foreign at first. You will be out of all of pathology long enough that when you see it, or you realize you are in it is again, you will want OUT as fast as you can go. This is a good sign!
You can be free. Completely. But you have to want to be and it will be very hard, very painful and difficult work. It is the kind of work that gives new meaning to the word, CHANGE.
I believe you can do it and when you feel you can, when you are ready, I will be there to rejoice with you. It is a genuine homecoming, healing full circle. A homecoming back to YOU!
The Source of Dysfunctional Behavior and Continued Trauma Bond
Recently, I have been seeing an upsurge with survivors who are in therapy and processing their relationships, their toxic choices, patterns of relating and toxic behaviors. and making connections to their pathological upbringings. Being the child of a pathological parent is the ultimate “Cluster Fuck” when it comes to the consequences and subsequent damage that is life long. If you were assigned the role of scapegoat, it is particularly traumatizing and damaging, nevertheless, ANY role you played or any consistent contact with a psychopathic/narcissistic parent is traumatizing.
To say that our nurturing (or with a pathological parent, lack thereof), while growing up in a pathological home had nothing to do with the choices, behaviors that we had later on in our lives from our career choices to partner and friendship choices, is like saying the mind and body are not connected. They are. And because they are, we go through life surrounded by an invisible toxic web of learned survival “techniques” and behaviors that are deeply subconscious. When making those choices, we simply weren’t aware of how toxic they were, nor how toxic our adaptations to it have been to our lives. This creates a monumental wall of cemented denial. The longer we stay “connected” to the toxic parent, the longer we put off a genuine healing that would catapult us over this wall in the form of letting go of our emotional and/or financial dependence and into freedom. It doesn’t matter that we got rid of the pathological partner in cases like this, because we have our pathological parent to fall back on to keep repeating our roles, and our behaviors. (or vice versa) We aggravate our already active PTSD, we validate the very relationships we just went no contact from when we remain emotionally involved with our psychopathic/narcissistic parent. (or partner)
This is why I strongly encourage survivors to locate and take the TIME to find a very good and skilled trauma therapist. You may go through several before you find one, but it is worth the effort.
It is my opinion, and a pattern that I have seen consistently with those who have pathological and toxic parents, that when there are still ties to the parent or partner, FULL healing will not happen. It can’t. The roles we act out are subconscious and automatic. It doesn’t matter how “aware” you are of their toxicity, when you deal with the parent (or partner), there is a SHIFT to automatic pilot in response or reaction to them, even if you are able to control the reactions during communications, it is STILL going on in your mind and in your body. Your unhealed damage is still there and active. There is almost ALWAYS a response to it with a PTSD reaction AFTER contact. Sometimes the reaction can be pinpointed directly to the pathological parent, other times we are reacting after contact but CAN’T pinpoint it to the pathological. We become irritable, negative, pained, hyper vigilant. Angry. Sometimes, because we have never gone no contact, we never stopped reacting. Chances are, if you had an extremely toxic or otherwise psychopathic/narcissistic parent, you may also have had PTSD for a long time.
The pathological parent is the SAME in intention towards their children as your psychopathic/narcissistic ex. THE SAME.
There is a quote that I love.... It applies to the pathological parent as much as it applies to the pathological partner. I’m substituting he/his in reference to the psychopath, in my mind, and instead inserting psychopathic parent in context without changing the wording of the following excerpt from the book. “Although his dominance may also be camouflaged to the outside world by looking more passive than powerful, yet behind closed doors, his dominance is exerted by controlling her through any means he can use. These could include sexual humiliation, suffocating neediness, her every movement is approved or disapproved by him, gaslighting to control her reality–anything overt or covert can be used. His insatiable need for power and dominance is so non-stop that it feels unquenchable to her. Psychopaths hurt people because power through victimization is much more satisfying to them. THEY ARE EMOTIONALLY REWARDED BY THE HARM THEY CAUSE.” (Pg.40)
When our relationships are over and the initial early stages of recovery with cognitive dissonance (obsessive and intrusive thoughts), ruminating and learning how to get out of bed each day again have passed, we move into the next phase with amped up PTSD. There is usually (but not always) a short phase after the initial phase, where we are feeling empowered and ready to get our game back on, when the cascade of PTSD symptoms takes over, driving us to therapy or back to our beds in despair, or to our computers for several hours of researching what the hell just happened to us.
If PTSD was not already present at the initial phase of recovery, when it appears, it can be frightening and devastating because we feel that we “should be over it” or thought we would be. That is not how recovery goes and it is especially not true when there is a pathological parent (or partner) still involved in your life. It is at this stage of recovery, when the PTSD kicks in, that it is critical to find a trauma therapist. Many survivors are genuinely unable to access therapeutic services, however, there are domestic violence agencies that can refer you to a trauma therapist, if they do not provide one at their agency. I know this to be true where I live, as this put me on the path to finding the therapist I currently have. It is not true in all cases, but a determined survivor, although frustrated, can find the right therapist with a little hard work and the time to make it happen. Oftentimes, the trauma is not limited to the ex pathological partner, but in the end, more of a consequence to original trauma that derives from the disordered parent and the pathological environment.
The trauma in childhood by the disordered parent is excused, minimized and trivialized by many survivors. This is not said in a way as to blame the survivor for the abuse and trauma they suffered in childhood, but merely a life long habit of coping mechanisms necessary in dealing with the parent. When we come out of the relationship with the disordered partner, eventually we stop making excuses for them. We experience the emotions at having been duped, used and degraded. Once the fog lifts we are better able to understand at least that much, as well as all the research that each of us has done about the disorders. But if you are the child of a psychopath or narcissist, this is only the beginning…
Why do we provide excuses for the disordered parent that we will not for the ex-partner? Why do we provide every single excuse to ourselves with our continued involvement when it has been clear for years that the parent abused us and continues too? why do we believe it will magically be all better one day and that the parent will spontaneously be sorry for their cruelty? Why do we say “He/she did the best they could” when we know in our hearts they did not? When you are dealing with a psychopathic/narcissistic parent, you are not dealing with someone who did “the best they could”. Why do we look at other situations or our own with our pathological ex partners if we share children, and want to keep them away from the pathological ex, but readily expose ourselves to our own pathological parent? Why are we horrified at the actions of the pathological who has partial or sole custody of a child, but are completely apathetic when it comes to our own parent? Why do we bullshit ourselves into thinking we can “handle” our pathological parent now and will continue a relationship with them (which incidentally is the source of our trauma to begin with), but we absolutely NC everyone else that is toxic that has had intimate contact with us? Why is it repulsive to think of the psychopath/narcissist doing unspeakable harm and damage to a child via observance, but we can’t see the forest for the trees with our own damage that we carry from our parent?
When I mention the above dynamic, it is met with anger, outrage, crying in frustration, denial, excuses, but the most favorite of all statements, “But that’s different!” Really???
WHAT is different? WHAT? The truth is… there isn’t any difference. With the pathological parent, we are still in the FOG, but the representation of that word takes on much deeper meaning and goes like this: Fear, Obligation and Guilt. This is a problem. This is a trauma bond.
This is why complete healing isn’t possible. This is why we have trouble controlling our PTSD, this is why we choose more psychopathic partners.
This is why we choose more psychopathic/narcissistic friendships.
This is why we choose jobs that are filled with pathologicals waiting for you to act out your role of scapegoat or golden child.
This is partly why we STILL carry our shame.
This is why we feel INTENSE GUILT at going no contact with the pathological parent.
This is also, believe it or not, why we are not completely horrified by the acts of cruelty each of us has endured.
This is why when we try to change our behaviors that were our defense mechanisms and/or coping skills, we are frustrated that it doesn’t seem to work.
This is why, when the psychopath/narcissist targeted you, you were already primed as prey. You already knew the “drill”. NOTHING was unique in how the relationship happened, and how it played out. NOTHING.
The psychopathic/narcissistic parent did the same thing to you, over and over, idealize/discard… idealize/discard. You already knew about love bombing… the psychopathic/narcissistic parent knew just how to push your buttons and manipulate you to get you to do what they wanted you to do. Were you ever given a credit card to freely spend? Did the psychopathic/narcissistic parent give you anything and everything you wanted when they needed something, the golden child? Did the sun rise and set out of your ass, like it did with your partner when you were being love bombed? Perhaps you were the scapegoat, hence you were only treated with any “decency” when something was wanted from you and subsequently punished for doing it. Perhaps you were the blame for every ill in the family, and if you had siblings, they were taught to act out their roles too in your scapegoating. What about this is any different than it was with your ex or your pathological friends or your pathological boss or child? NOTHING. Not one thing.
The pathological parent had/has the same intent to harm as any other pathological in your life. It is hardest to fathom that the human beings that were most responsible for your care, to love you and embrace your budding individuality, exploited it for the sake of their image, for ego strokes. For attention. To one up you, training you to react. To play the victim so that you would take care of them, emotionally, financially, spiritually and in many cases, to be the “little parent”. You were punished, indulged. You were the pathological parent’s personal emotional receptacle. You may also have experienced psychopathic/narcissistic sexual deviancy, from flirtation to sexual intercourse. You may have been a vehicle in which to triangulate with the other parent, whether they were together or not. You may have been triangulated with your siblings, the family dog. If divorced, your pathological parent may have used you as a window dressing to attract a new victim, hence the psychopathic/narcissistic love bombing of you during his/her dating phase, so you would project the image the psychopath/narcissist wanted of the “Disneyland Dad” in securing the new victim, only to be discarded when the “honeymoon” with the new victim was over. Perhaps you were beaten into submission, raged at. Perhaps you spent many nights as a child in fear of your psychopathic/narcissistic parent, or in silence with tears of hopelessness streaming down your face… or you had the ever present tummy ache that never seemed to go away. Or maybe you heard your pathological parent raging at the other parent, or perhaps both were raging... then the next day everyone acted as if nothing ever happened… sound familiar?
Now as an adult, what is different? Because you no longer live with your parent? Because you have a family of your own and “all of that was a long time ago”… How much of a facade do you feel you may be living emotionally, spiritually… that you’re not being real? that you’re not complete? That hellbent on not “wanting to be like them” you are living life the way you think you should be living and it all looks good on the outside, but on the inside, there is an ever present anxiety? When one of the kids says or does something, you snap? Some of your reactions are completely inappropriate given any situation that feels similar to what the pathological parent did to you? Or you go about your daily life, as distracted as much as possible, busy as you can be to avoid the abyss that lies in wait to be addressed within your heart and soul that is your ORIGINAL trauma? PTSD says you can run, but you can’t hide…
“I don’t want to be like them!” And with unhealed trauma and undiagnosed PTSD, with regard to your children, if you came out of childhood alive and with any empathy, you have gone to extremes in raising your children compared to how you perceived your pathological parent raised you. Perhaps you enable them, perhaps you are too afraid to discipline them because you are afraid you will hurt them. Perhaps you feel obligated in that they have the life that you didn’t so you OVER COMPENSATE, killing yourself to give them the life YOU think they should have when you didn’t have it at all. This is what you believe love is. In reality, these actions can disable your child and can create narcissism too. You become a martyr on their behalf. You also re-victimize yourself when you find yourself shocked to discover that they are UNGRATEFUL to you for giving them what you did not get. Perhaps they become abusive to you. Perhaps they are apathetic. Entilted. Maybe you find yourself feeling resentful at all of this “giving” to others and not GETTING in return… maybe, JUST maybe, it’s time to address your unhealed wounds. Maybe, just MAYBE it’s time to stop picking up the phone when the pathological parent CALLS you for yet another rant or to tell you how you are FAILING at your life. Oftentimes as adults we feel that we owe the pathological parent EXPLANATIONS as to their projections onto us as failure. Why the hell are we EXPLAINING anything? Oftentimes as adults when the insults or rants come, or comments made and disguised as “encouragement” hit us in a way that makes you feel as if you’ve been punched in the chest.
Does any of this sound familiar to you? ANY of it?
The hardest thing you will ever do in your recovery, if you have a pathological parent in your life, is to go NO CONTACT. Most of the time, this cannot be done without therapeutic process when there is still “attachment” to not only the pathological parent, but old behavior because this process will also ask you to look at YOURSELF and that too, is an extreme challenge. You will be led to change your entire landscape with emotion, perception, behavior, past and present. There will come a time as you process this that you will begin to see the pathological parent as he/she/they really ARE. You will know it, yet you will FIGHT it. You will not want to believe it. You have now come to the wall. You know it is there. You can no longer excuse it, minimize it or trivialize it. It will be in your face. You will have a deep and very profound awareness and you know that once you SAY it, BELIEVE it, you will then have to DO something about it, because not doing so will increase your behaviors, your resistance to it will drive you crazy. You will be irritable, angry, depressed. You will be tired of fighting, them and yourself. It is the ultimate wall of resistance because once you let go, you are in a foreign land. This is incredibly difficult if you rely upon the pathological parent in any way, whether it’s in anticipation for hoped for validation, for money, for continued family connections. You know that when you do this, there will be a smear campaign. Somewhere inside you, you will KNOW what the consequences will be. You know that all of that manipulative and FAKE validation that the psychopathic/narcissistic parent gave was not real…
We often say about our ex’s, “The whole relationship was a LIE”. What does this mean when we apply it to our pathological parent, about us? Most are terrified about this. If we let go of them, we have no identity we think... our concept of self comes from the trauma bond with the pathological parent. What does this MEAN when we say a permanent GOOD BYE? What does this mean with every single interaction we have had with the pathological parent over a lifetime?
But somehow, somewhere, you know you have your own growing identity and this is why, as you process, you will feel emotionally led to get off the merry-go-round, but you will be terrified because you’re not sure if you can do it ENTIRELY alone without doing it the way THEY said, you’re not sure that you trust the AUTHENTIC individual that they should have encouraged in the first place.But the biggest hurt of all, is to accept and understand that you were never loved at all. That along with everyone else in a disordered person’s life, you were an object, someone to exploit. There is something so WRONG with that, isn’t there? Because you are filled with love in your heart, compassion and massive amounts of empathy, you cannot fathom how your pathological parent could not love you. It is simply beyond your comprehension to know that your psychopathic/narcissistic parent who gave you the gift of life, would use you as a means to their end. It is more so to truly understand that their intent was harming you and that your responses and reactions to it, throughout your life, were because of that intentional damage done to you. We do all we can to make it right with them. We do so much to appease them. We hate ourselves doing it because they have taught us to DEPEND on them in some way. We try to make it right by justifying it, minimizing it, telling ourselves we can handle it. We give them any label we can find other than “DISORDERED” because it is too much to bear to see reality. This one is an easy one I’m afraid.
Have you ever told your psychopathic/narcissistic parent how much their behavior bothers you? What happened?
Have you ever dragged your parent to your counseling sessions so they could see the hurt they caused and/or to “mend fences” only to be met with resistance and, down the road, more punishment with the same ole behaviors?
Has your psychopathic/narcissistic parent EVER apologized to you or tried to make things right with you, seeing the damage they have done to you and your life? Or is this still YOUR problem and not theirs?
Or has your perspective changed to pity in order to tolerate the intolerable and the only sentence you can say to justify it is this: “she/he did the best they could”.
Would you say the same thing about your psychopathic/narcissistic ex?
Hasn’t pitying a pathological as an excuse to stay involved shown you in the past and now ho ineffective that is and how much more it allows them to sucker punch you? You can love from a distance. Compassion works that way just as easily. It was never and it is not now, ever your responsibility to create a thinking feeling, empathic adult when it wasn’t there to BEGIN with.
Makes getting out of a romantic relationship with a psychopath/narcissist seem like a piece of cake, huh? That’s because they are not the source of the original trauma bond.
I have done both. Getting rid of the pathological parent and the psychopathic ex. I’m in therapy now and have been for awhile and will continue to be. I have worked VERY hard on creating a no toxins allowed life. I’m not always successful because I have attracted MORE disordered to me, but now I know what to do. Disengaging from the toxic pathological parent, opened the door to genuine and true possibility for healing. I can freely examine my behaviors, my relationships, my PTSD without a facade, without holding onto my parent. There is NO pathology in my life in any intimate way. The burden of the chains that bound me, the web that surrounded me are all gone, making ROOM for authenticity and genuineness I needed to grow, without the original source of my trauma that would only hinder it. My pathological parents benefited by what my father termed as my “inevitable fuck ups”. As long as I was unhealed (fucked up), he looked good and exploited the damage and pain he caused. It made him feel better about himself. My mother too. She is dead and has been for a long time, but even though I tried to “reconcile” with her, she would not and she died without closure for me.
We are trying, in essence, to beat a dead horse when we try to reconcile with the pathological parent. It is NOT your job to do that, it is THEIR responsibility. When you continue to seek their validation, when you hope for it, when you try to make it right, you are doing more damage to yourself. We are self sabotaging in wanting their approval and they are exploiting it. Just like psychopaths DO.
It takes tremendous courage and great faith to climb that wall to the other side. It is the most frightening thing that you will ever do in your life. You are making a decision for yourself that is symbolic on so many levels.
Here is the blessing for you, God’s loving grace, or the Universe singing your praises, whatever it is you believe that gives you strength and courage: When you go no contact with your pathological parent (s), you can know, without a doubt, that you ARE a miracle. YOU are a survivor on every level. While it is painful and it will be shocking to realize that it was all a lie, it was… but YOU ARE THE TRUTH! Amidst all of the lies, the facade, somehow, some way, YOU managed to have a separate, loving, giving caring SOUL. YOU are all YOU need! All along a grace bigger than all of the lies, held you close! Amidst all of the lies, and all of the hell you have lived, YOU ARE THE TRUTH.
It is possible to work through the damage. I can’t tell you that it’s perfect. You will struggle, but your struggles will be so much different. They will be your own and while you will take steps forward, only to take ten back sometimes, you will be doing it with healthy support that you have gathered for yourself. You will be able to enjoy each milestone in recovery that you pass without the fear of pathology hanging over your head to destroy your progress. Instead of trying to share it with a pathological parent who lives to keep you from the truth, you will be sharing your progress with those who are on the same path and they will REJOICE with you!
Having lived so much pathology can make you forget that others can be genuinely wanting for your happiness and personal growth. It will feel wonderful to you, if not foreign at first. You will be out of all of pathology long enough that when you see it, or you realize you are in it is again, you will want OUT as fast as you can go. This is a good sign!
You can be free. Completely. But you have to want to be and it will be very hard, very painful and difficult work. It is the kind of work that gives new meaning to the word, CHANGE.
I believe you can do it and when you feel you can, when you are ready, I will be there to rejoice with you. It is a genuine homecoming, healing full circle. A homecoming back to YOU!
July 28, 2013
July 25, 2013
Shared from "Wicca Annie's BOS's photo" via Facebook
30 TRAITS OF AN EMPATH
1. Knowing: Empaths just know stuff, without being told. It’s a knowing that goes way beyond intuition or gut feelings, even though that is how many would describe the knowing. The more attuned they are the stronger this gift becomes.
2. Being in public places can be overwhelming: Places like shopping malls, supermarkets or stadiums where there are lots of people around can fill the empath with turbulently vexed emotions that are coming from others.
3. Feeling others emotions and taking them on as your own: This is a huge one for empaths. To some they will feel emotions off those near by and with others they will feel emotions from those a vast distance away, or both. The more adept empath will know if someone is having bad thoughts about them, even from great distance.
4. Watching violence, cruelty or tragedy on the TV is unbearable: The more attuned an empath becomes the worse it is and may make it so they eventually have to stop watching TV and reading newspapers altogether.
5. You know when someone is not being honest: If a friend or a loved one is telling you lies you know it (although many empaths try not to focus on this because knowing a loved one is lying can be painful). Or if someone is saying one thing but feeling/thinking another, you know.
6. Picking up physical symptoms off another: An empath will almost always develop the ailments off another (colds, eye infections, body aches and pains) especially those they’re closest to, somewhat like sympathy pains.
7. Digestive disorders and lower back problems: The solar plexus chakra is based in the centre of the abdomen and it’s known as the seat of emotions. This is where empaths feel the incoming emotion of another, which can weaken the area and eventually lead to anything from stomach ulcers to IBS (too many other conditions to list here). Lower back problems can develop from being ungrounded (amongst other things) and one, who has no knowledge of them being an empath, will almost always be ungrounded.
8. Always looking out for the underdog: Anyone whose suffering, in emotional pain or being bullied draws an empath’s attention and compassion.
9. Others will want to offload their problems on you, even strangers: An empath can become a dumping ground for everyone else’s issues and problems, which, if they’re not careful can end up as their own.
10. Constant fatigue: Empaths often get drained of energy, either from energy vampires or just taking on too much from others, which even sleep will not cure. Many get diagnosed with ME.
11. Addictive personality: Alcohol, drugs, sex, are to name but a few addictions that empaths turn to, to block out the emotions of others. It is a form of self protection in order to hide from someone or something.
12. Drawn to healing, holistic therapies and all things metaphysical: Although many empaths would love to heal others they can end up turning away from being healers (even though they have a natural ability for it), after they’ve studied and qualified, because they take on too much from the one they are trying to heal. Especially if they are unaware of their empathy. Anything of a supernatural nature is of interest to empaths and they don’t surprise or get shocked easily. Even at the revelation of what many others would consider unthinkable, for example, empaths would have known the world was round when others believed it was flat.
13. Creative: From singing, dancing, acting, drawing or writing an empath will have a strong creative streak and a vivid imagination.
14. Love of nature and animals: Being outdoors in nature is a must for empaths and pets are an essential part of their life.
15. Need for solitude: An empath will go stir-crazy if they don’t get quiet time. This is even obvious in empathic children.
16. Gets bored or distracted easily if not stimulated: Work, school and home life has to be kept interesting for an empath or they switch off from it and end up daydreaming or doodling.
17. Finds it impossible to do things they don’t enjoy: As above. Feels like they are living a lie by doing so. To force an empath to do something they dislike through guilt or labelling them as idle will only serve in making them unhappy. It’s for this reason many empaths get labelled as being lazy.
18. Strives for the truth: This becomes more prevalent when an empath discovers his/her gifts and birthright. Anything untruthful feels plain wrong.
19. Always looking for the answers and knowledge: To have unanswered questions can be frustrating for an empath and they will endeavour to find an explanation. If they have a knowing about something they will look for confirmation. The downside to this is an information overload.
20. Likes adventure, freedom and travel: Empaths are free spirits.
21. Abhors clutter: It makes an empath feel weighed down and blocks the flow of energy.
22. Loves to daydream: An empath can stare into space for hours, in a world of their own and blissfully happy.
23. Finds routine, rules or control, imprisoning: Anything that takes away their freedom is debilitating to an empath even poisoning.
24. Prone to carry weight without necessarily overeating: The excess weight is a form of protection to stop the negative incoming energies having as much impact.
25. Excellent listener: An empath won’t talk about themselves much unless it’s to someone they really trust. They love to learn and know about others and genuinely care.
26. Intolerance to narcissism: Although kind and often very tolerant of others, empaths do not like to be around overly egotistical people, who put themselves first and refuse to consider another’s feelings or points of view other than their own.
27. The ability to feel the days of the week: An empath will get the ‘Friday Feeling’ if they work Fridays or not. They pick up on how the collective are feeling. The first couple of days of a long, bank holiday weekend (Easter for example) can feel, to them, like the world is smiling, calm and relaxed. Sunday evenings, Mondays and Tuesdays, of a working week, have a very heavy feeling.
28. Will not choose to buy antiques, vintage or second-hand: Anything that’s been pre-owned carries the energy of the previous owner. An empath will even prefer to have a brand new car or house (if they are in the financial situation to do so) with no residual energy.
29. Sense the energy of food: Many empaths don’t like to eat meat or poultry because they can feel the vibrations of the animal (especially if the animal suffered), even if they like the taste.
30. Can appear moody, shy, aloof, disconnected: Depending on how an empath is feeling will depend on what face they show to the world. They can be prone to mood swings and if they’ve taken on too much negative will appear quiet and unsociable, even miserable. An empath detests having to pretend to be happy when they’re sad, this only adds to their load (makes working in the service industry, when it’s service with a smile, very challenging) and can make them feel like scuttling under a stone.
If you can say yes to most or all of the above then you are most definitely an empath
Empaths are having a particularly difficult time at the present time, picking up on all the negative emotions that are being emantated into the world from the populace.
TRAITS OF AN EMPATH by Christel Broederlow
Empaths are often quiet achievers. They can take a while to handle a compliment for they’re more inclined to point out another’s positive attributes. They are highly expressive in all areas of emotional connection, and talk openly, and, at times quite frankly. They may have few problems talking about their feelings if another cares to listen (regardless of how much they listen to others).
However, they can be the exact opposite: reclusive and apparently unresponsive at the best of times. They may even appear ignorant. Some are very good at “blocking out” others and that’s not always a bad thing, at least for the learning empath struggling with a barrage of emotions from others, as well as their own feelings.
Empaths have a tendency to openly feel what is outside of them more so than what is inside of them. This can cause empaths to ignore their own needs. In general an empath is non-violent, non-aggressive and leans more towards being the peacemaker. Any area filled with disharmony creates an uncomfortable feeling in an empath. If they find themselves in the middle of a confrontation, they will endeavor to settle the situation as quickly as possible, if not avoid it all together. If any harsh words are expressed in defending themselves, they will likely resent their lack of self-control, and have a preference to peacefully resolve the problem quickly.
Empaths are more inclined to pick up another’s feelings and project it back without realizing its origin in the first place. Talking things out is a major factor in releasing emotions in the learning empath. Empaths can develop an even stronger degree of understanding so that they can find peace in most situations. The downside is that empaths may bottle up emotions and build barriers sky-high so as to not let others know of their innermost thoughts and/or feelings. This withholding of emotional expression can be a direct result of a traumatic experience, an expressionless upbringing, or simply being told as a child, “Children are meant to be seen and not heard!”
Without a doubt, this emotional withholding can be detrimental to one’s health, for the longer one’s thoughts and/or emotions aren’t released, the more power they build. The thoughts and/or emotions can eventually becoming explosive, if not crippling. The need to express oneself honestly is a form of healing and a choice open to all. To not do so can result in a breakdown of the person and result in mental/emotional instability or the creation of a physical ailment, illness or disease.
Empaths are sensitive to TV, videos, movies, news and broadcasts. Violence or emotional dramas depicting shocking scenes of physical or emotional pain inflicted on adults, children or animals can bring an empath easily to tears. At times, they may feel physically ill or choke back the tears. Some empaths will struggle to comprehend any such cruelty, and may have grave difficulty in expressing themselves in the face of another’s ignorance, closed-mindedness and obvious lack of compassion. They simply cannot justify the suffering they feel and see.
You will find empaths working with people, animals or nature with a true passion and dedication to help them. They are often tireless teachers and/or caretakers for our environment and all within it. Many volunteers are empathic and give up personal time to help others without pay and/or recognition.
Empaths may be excellent storytellers due to an endless imagination, inquisitive minds and ever-expanding knowledge. They can be old romantics at heart and very gentle. They may also be the “keepers” of ancestral knowledge and family history. If not the obvious family historians, they may be the ones who listen to the stories passed down and possess the majority of the family history. Not surprisingly, they may have started or possess a family tree.
They have a broad interest in music to suit their many expressive temperaments, and others can query how empaths can listen to one style of music, and within minutes, change to something entirely different. Lyrics within a song can have adverse, powerful effects on empaths, especially if it is relevant to a recent experience. In these moments, it is advisable for empaths to listen to music without lyrics, to avoid playing havoc with their emotions!
They are just as expressive with body language as with words, thoughts, and feelings. Their creativity is often expressed through dance, acting, and bodily movements. Empaths can project an incredible amount of energy portraying and/or releasing emotion. Empaths can become lost in the music, to the point of being in a trance-like state; they become one with the music through the expression of their physical bodies. They describe this feeling as a time when all else around them is almost non-existent.
People of all walks of life and animals are attracted to the warmth and genuine compassion of empaths. Regardless of whether others are aware of one being empathic, people are drawn to them as a metal object is to a magnet!
Even complete strangers find it easy to talk to empaths about the most personal things, and before they know it, they have poured out their hearts and souls without intending to do so consciously. It is as though on a sub-conscious level that person knows instinctively that empaths would listen with compassionate understanding. Then again, for empaths, it is always nice to actually be heard themselves!
Here are the listeners of life. They can be outgoing, bubbly, enthusiastic and a joy to be in the presence of, as well as highly humorous at the most unusual moments! On the flip side, empaths can be weighted with mood swings that will have others around them want to jump overboard and abandon ship! The thoughts and feelings empaths receive from any and all in their life can be so overwhelming (if not understood) that their moods can fluctuate with lightning speed. One moment they may be delightfully happy and with a flick of the switch, miserable.
Abandoning an empath in the throes of alternating moods can create detrimental effects. A simple return of empathic love–listening and caring compassionately without bias, judgment and/or condemnation–can go an incredibly long way to an empath’s instant recovery. Many empaths don’t understand what is occurring within them. They literally have no idea that another person’s emotions are now felt, as one’s own and reflected outwardly. They are confused as to how one moment all was well, and then the next, they feel so depressed, alone, etc. The need to understand the possibilities of empath connection is a vital part of the empaths journey for themselves and for those around them.
Empaths are often problem solvers, thinkers, and studiers of many things. As far as empaths are concerned, where a problem is, so too is the answer. They often will search until they find one – if only for peace of mind. This can certainly prove beneficial for others in their relationships, in the workplace, or on the home front. Where there is a will, there is a way and the empath will find it. The empath can literally (likely without the knowledge of what’s actually occurring) tap into Universal Knowledge and be receptive to guidance in solving anything they put their head and hearts into.
Empaths often are vivid and/or lucid dreamers. They can dream in detail and are inquisitive of dream content. Often they feel as though the dreams are linked to their physical life somehow, and not just a mumble of nonsensical, irrelevant, meaningless images. This curiosity will lead many empathic dreamers to unravel some of the “mysterious” dream contents from an early age and connect the interpretation to its relevance in their physical life. If not, they may be led to dream interpretations through other means.
Empaths are daydreamers with difficulty keeping focused on the mundane. If life isn’t stimulating, off an empath will go into a detached state of mind. They will go somewhere, anywhere, in a thought that appears detached from the physical reality, yet is alive and active for they really are off and away. If a tutor is lecturing with little to no emotional input, empaths will not be receptive to such teaching and can (unintentionally) drift into a state of daydreaming.
Give the empath student the tutor who speaks with stimuli and emotion (through actual experience of any given subject) and the empath is receptively alert. Empaths are a captivated audience. This same principle applies in acting. An actor will either captivate the audience through expressing (in all aspects) emotions (as though they really did experience the role they are portraying) or will loose them entirely. Empaths make outstanding actors.
Empaths frequently experience déjà vu and synchronicities. What may initially start as, “Oh, what a coincidence”, will lead to the understanding of synchronicities as an aspect of who they are. These synchronicities will become a welcomed and continually expanding occurrence. As an understanding of self grows, the synchronicities become more fluent and free flowing. The synchronicities can promote a feeling of euphoria as empaths identify with them and appreciate the connection to their empathic nature.
Empaths are most likely to have had varying paranormal experiences throughout their lives. NDE’s (Near death experiences) and or OBE’s (Out of body experiences) can catapult an unaware empath into the awakening period and provide the momentum for a journey of discovery. Those who get caught up in life, in society’s often dictating ways, in work etc., can become lost in a mechanical way of living that provides very little meaning. All “signs of guidance” are ignored to shift out of this state of “doing”. A path to being whole again becomes evident and a search for more meaning in one’s life begins.
These types of experiences appear dramatic, can be life-altering indeed, and are most assuredly just as intensely memorable in years to come. They are the voice of guidance encouraging us to pursue our journey in awareness. Sometimes, some of us require that extra assistance!
For some empaths, the lack of outside understanding towards paranormal events they experience, may lead to suppressing such abilities. (Most of these abilities are very natural and not a coincidence.) Empaths may unknowingly adopt the positive or negative attitude of others as their own. (This, however, can be overcome.) Empaths may need to follow interests in the paranormal and the unexplained with curiosity so as to explain and accept their life circumstances.
Words © Christel Broederlow
Source: theknowing1.wordpress.com
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